During the Southern Song Dynasty of ancient China, the great general Zhao Gan (Ren Quan) decides to perform an exotic dance with a giant panda so as to entertain his Mongolian guests at the upcoming diplomatic variety show. Mistaken for a first-rate bodyguard, small-time dart hawker Wang Laoji (Liu Hua) is assigned the duty of escorting the dancing panda. On their way to the capital, Wang and his panda meet a bandit queen (A Duo), a lady constable (Deng Jiajia), and a bumbling assassin (Li Changyuan), and much hilarity ensues...